Numerous books, magazine articles, and blog posts have been written to address the theories behind why people stay or leave a church. And while each church has its own unique flavors which influence people’s decisions, I believe that there are 3 major factors that transcend denomination, worship style, or ministry style.

Nelson Searcy over at Church Leader Insights focuses on 2 factors that influence people staying at a church. He says that it’s based on people’s RELATIONSHIP and their RESPONSIBILITY. If a person has those 2 needs met, they will stay in a church. Not trying to completely disagree with Nelson, I think that there is one other factor – RIGHTEOUSNESS. There MUST be a GOD factor as well.

For the sake of our discussion, let me break all this down…

Relationship- Relationship is a simple concept. People must be connected with other people for them to feel that they are TRULY “in” the church. If people are not connected RELATIONALLY, the feelings of disconnectedness will eventually lead then away from the church that they desperately want/need to be a part of.

Responsibility – Responsibility would be the functions we perform at church. You might say, “I am a Greeter,” or “I am in charge of Parking at the 9:30 service.” Responsibility is what compels us to attend each week. It’s a conviction for us. When people have a “job” or “duty” that is required of them, they have ownership of their area of service. It’s also MUCH harder to walk away from a church if you are plugged in to an area that is in line with your gifts, talents, and passions. If you are at a church, and you have no responsibility, you are much more likely leave than if you had it.

And for many churches, they focus on those 2 factors alone in trying to discern church attendance. I believe that churches must also focus on a person’s Righteousness as well as their responsibilities and their relationships.

Here is how I unpack the Righteousness factor:

A person starts to attend your church. They are far away from God, and they discover a Savior, accept God as Lord of their life, and get baptized. Then, they sign up to be in a small group… They are very close to their small group, but start to resent issues at the church and become disillusioned with “organized” religion.  After a few months, they begin to miss a Sunday or two, and then, after more absences, they eventually disappear for good. They even stay in contact with some of the members of their small group, but they feel compelled to go to a church that is “deeper”.

Righteousness + Relationship – Responsibility = LEAVE CHURCH

Another person starts attending, has already accepted Christ, and immediately gets plugged in to the Children’s Ministry. They faithfully serve week in, a week out. They don’t attend regular services very freqauently due to their ministry obligations, nor do they have time for a small group, but they are your “go to” childcare people. They don’t have many friends outside of the children’s department, but hey, everyone is busy. Eventually, that person begins to “burn out” and decides to “take a break.” Then, you never see them again.

Righteousness + Responsibility-Relationship = LEAVE CHURCH

So what is the answer? Try this on…

A person gets a mailer in the mail, and decides to try your church on a Sunday. That person (visitor) is greeted by a friendly person who shows them around the church, introduces them to some other friendly people, and after the service, that same greeter seeks [the visitor] out and encourages them to come back.

The following Sunday, that SAME greeter welcomes the visitor back and asks about their previous week’s experience. Then that SAME greeter invites them to come WITH THEM to attend an upcoming event.

So this person comes to the event, and has a great time. Another person, who the greeter had introduced earlier, sees the visitor at this event and asks them to help out with the set-up team on the following Sunday Morning. And after serving a couple of times, is asked to get into a rotation. That visitor LOVES the experience and serves every other week.

And after several weeks in a small group that meets on Thursday nights, they give their life to Christ. They then go on witness to their spouse and kids, and soon, the whole family is serving, deeply connected to friends, and experiencing God in amazing ways.

Righteousness + Relationship + Responsibility = STAYS IN CHURCH

We, as church leaders, MUST focus on the people who God brings us. We MUST find out how to connect with them on 3 deep levels, relationship, responsibility, and righteousness. If any of those three factors get out of balance, that person has the potential to get hurt or leave the church.

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Thanks, John, for your insights!  I love this kind of discussion.

Nelson