Today’s blog comes to us from my friend and fellow church growth strategist, Dr. Gary McIntosh. Gary is Professor of Christian Ministry and Leadership at Talbot School of Theology, and author of over 20 books and 100 articles on church growth, leadership, evangelism and pastoral ministry. Gary will also be joining me this summer as a keynote speaker at the Church Systems Check-up & Boot Camp (see the PS below for more info.)
Paul Tillich, German-born philosopher and theologian, once said, “The first duty of love is to listen.” No single characteristic of a person reveals as much about themselves as their ability to pay attention to others. While we’re all born with the capacity to hear, the ability to listen must be deliberately cultivated. How odd that this skill, so central to loving, to community, to healthy relationships, is so seldom taught in our churches.
People pay hundreds of dollars an hour for someone to listen to them. Therapists would likely be out of a job if more people knew how to listen, and put those skills to use. How do you feel when someone really listens to you?
Most likely you feel validated, rather important, perhaps wise, maybe even loved?
There’s a particular kind of listening which can be taught to the people in your church that will greatly enhance the communication between members, and in your members’ personal lives. It’s called “active listening,” and is a conscious effort to not only hear the words of the other person, but to consciously understand the complete message being sent.
Here are a few tips on how to be an active listener:
Pay attention:
- Look at the speaker directly, but don’t stare.
- Avoid preparing a response before the speaker is finished.
- Mentally block out other people.
- Listen to the speaker’s body language.
- Avoid side conversations in a group setting.
Show that you’re listening:
- Nod occasionally.
- Smile and use other facial expressions.
- Note your posture and make sure it’s open and inviting.
- Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” and “uh huh.”
Provide feedback:
- “So, you’re saying that…” is great way to complement the speaker and clarify the meaning.
- “What do you mean when you say…” or “Is this what you mean?”
- “It was good talking with you about…”
Dietrich Bonheoffer underscores the importance of love in the church: “The first service one owes to others in the fellowship consists of listening to them. Just as love of God begins in listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word, but lends us His ear. So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him.”
Your partner in ministry,
Nelson
P.S. – You can hear more from Dr. Gary McIntosh this month when he joins me as a keynote speaker at the all-new 3-Day Church Systems Check-up & Boot Camp on July 22-24 at Walt Disney World in Orlando. We’re almost sold out – our biggest group ever – but you can still grab a spot and save $250.00 when you register by THIS Friday, July 10th: www.ChurchLeaderInsights.com/
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