With this weekend being Father’s Day, I thought the article below from Dick Hardy would be timely to re-print here on the blog.
And with the “double-header” at my house – my son Alexander turns 5 on Sunday – it was definitely worth the read for me.
Have a great Father’s Day and enjoy:
14 Thoughts on Being a Pastor and a Dad
by Dick HardyHmmmmm…how did this happen? One minute I am referred to as Pastor Dick or Pastor Hardy and then BOOM, this kid shows up in my house. In my case, it was 1982 when my son arrived only to be followed by his sister three years later.
Once they started talking the title became Dad. At that point at church I was a business administrator but for all intents and purposes I was a pastor. That was me…and now I was a dad.
As of the date of this writing, Jonathan and Erin are 28 and 25 respectively. They have brought much joy to the lives of my wife and me. Let me say as well they have done very well in choosing the One they would serve through life. We are humbled by those decisions.
Male pastors approach this subject with some fear and trepidation. Once you venture out with suggestions, advice or thoughts on raising kids you run the risk that it will all come back to bite you. It is my prayer that our family will be spared that kind of tragedy. To be clear, for all the good decisions our children have made to-date, tomorrow they could choose wrongly. We pray that will not be the case.
Here are my thoughts for those who are a dad and pastor.
1. Pray Like It’s a Privilege. It never stops. I remember a friend older than me telling me that just because her daughter was 30 did not mean she ceased being her daughter in the sense of prayer, care and nurture. My friend was right. I was privileged to pray for my children when they were very young and I am privileged to pray for my children as adults everyday.
2. Pray Like It’s a Responsibility. If I do not do it, who will? Yes, my wife, but even then I am the leader of my home. I owe it to my two kids, my wife and my God to carry them to Him every day. This responsibility makes much of what I do at the office pale in comparison.
3. Introduce Them to Jesus. Do not wait around for the children’s or youth worker or pastor to do the drill. You’re their dad for crying out loud. You need to make the greatest introduction they will ever experience. Do all you can to log in their mind all that is associated with that introduction. Why introduce everybody else in church to Jesus and not your own kid. Do it!
4. Disciple Them. This is your opportunity to make sure they get it right. Just because they are in your pastor’s home doesn’t mean they get it by osmosis. You must partner with your wife and the ministries of the church to walk your child systematically through what God desires for their life. This will pay huge dividends. But you must lead in discipleship.
5. Discipline Them. Left to their own devices sons and daughters will not go the right direction. Maybe on a rare occasion they might get lucky. In any profession you must experience training. It’s the same with your children. Athletes must subject their bodies to pain in order to achieve on the field, court or track. We spanked our kids. I know, I know…politically incorrect. They don’t seem to be too warped as a result. Whatever you do, take steps to establish rules, boundaries and expectations. Use discipline in correction. You goal is to get the right kind of behavior that sets them up for success in life. Failure to discipline will have dire consequences.
6. Love Their Mom. The greatest sense of security comes when a son or daughter sees their dad loving on mom. In the home, they should see you kiss and hug her. They will learn how a husband relates to a wife by watching their own parents. Be the model and love their mom.
7. Have Fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you are by nature a fun-loving pastor this one is easy. If you are heavy into the depths of everything spiritual, you can afford to relax and have fun with the son and/or daughter God has given you.
8. Be Crazy. For some guys, Webster has their picture by this word’s definition. Really. They are just flat out goofy, crazy, and nuts. Kids have more fun with crazy dads. Now you might like to keep some balance, possibly provided by your wife. But in any event, get crazy from time to time. No, it’s not “unpastoral” for you to do this!
9. Smile and Laugh. Yes, enjoy life and let it show. Smile. Let yourself laugh. I know you are the pastor but for goodness sakes, ease up and laugh. Life is too short and your kids are with you a VERY short time. While you’re at it, if you have a serious child, help them learn to enjoy smiles and laughter. Eventually, they will thank you for it.
10. Cry. Some guys, including pastors, have trouble with this one. Whether consciously taught or not, our culture says, “Tough guys don’t cry.” Certainly, if you are leading a church or ministry, you must be tough. Right? Forget it. If the time comes for your son or daughter to cry even as teens or adults, let them cry. While you are at it, let them see you cry when that occasion presents itself. You will not lose on this one.
11. Be a Kid Again (Good Excuse). Your wife wonders, but that’s what makes you the man you are today. You are just a kid stuck in a 25, 45, 65 or 85-year old body. Let it show. When the kids want to play you need to be front and center. You don’t have to forfeit wisdom, but you do need to be a kid when your kids need a kid.
12. Teach. Life is a lesson. You have the great opportunity to teach through virtually every happening in life. Your home is a classroom. Your kids will watch how you deal with the ups and downs of life. How you respond to adversity in the church, particularly as they get old enough to understand some of the unfairness that is part of ministry. Will you teach grace, mercy and compassion or will you teach anger and vengeance. Revel in the privilege of being their number one teacher.
13. Be the Dad. You have to step up and be the dad when the time calls for it. Your kids don’t need another buddy. They have plenty of those. They need a dad who will show them the direction when their immaturity can’t find it. Be the dad!
14. Transfer Everything. Realize that the day will come when it won’t be all about you, your church, your ministry, or your life. While they are growing up YOU are their dad. They are YOUR son or daughter. YOU are the pastor. I relished the day when the tables turned and people said to me, “Oh, you are JONATHAN’S dad” and “Oh, you are ERIN’S dad.” My mark on life began to be made through my kids. They are now making the mark. That is really cool.
At the end of the day, you need to be able to look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I did all I could today to be the dad to my son or the dad to my daughter I could be.” Some days you will fail. Other days you will see outlandish success. Every day you need to purpose not to be the best pastor on the planet, although that would be good. Rather, purpose to be the best dad those kids in your home need today.
At the end of life’s journey I want Jonathan and Erin to say something like this to me, “Well-done, Dad. Thank you for raising me like you did. Thank you for introducing me to Jesus.” That will be more than worth it in my book and I hope in yours as well.
Great stuff!
P.S. If you’d like to Save $189.00 on a great package of resources to help you be a better dad, check out The Great Father’s Day Package – available for Immediate Download!
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