How to Make Friends by Being a Friend First

You have to be a friend to have a friend. Have you heard that little piece of advice before? It couldn’t be truer. Most of us spend a great deal of time and energy looking for people who will listen to us, accept us, share our point of view, be there for us when we need them . . . and yet we spend little energy thinking about how we can do these things for other people. We have to be a friend first by being intentional about offering friendship to others. The apostle John put it this way: “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions” (1 John 3:18).

We have to be a friend first by being intentional about offering friendship to others. Click To Tweet

Your actions toward the people in your life will show whether you are truly being a friend or whether you are just on the lookout for someone who will be a friend to you. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Am I respectful of other opinions and points of view?
  • Am I quick to apologize when I say or do something wrong?
  • Do I forgive easily when a friend has offended me?
  • Do I listen well and respond thoughtfully?
  • Am I available when a friend needs me, even if it is inconvenient?
  • Do I give my time and energy willingly?

Talk is cheap, as they say. Saying you are someone’s friend doesn’t require much sacrifice—but being a good friend does. Being a friend is an intentional choice to love, day by day. In the words of Jesus: “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12–13).

Saying you are someone’s friend doesn’t require much sacrifice—but being a good friend does. Click To Tweet

– Nelson Searcy and Jennifer Dykes Henson

The above excerpt is from p. 102-103 of The New You: A Guide to Better Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Wellness.

With your copy of The New You, you will come away with specific strategies on how to lose weight, get more sleep, lower stress, nurture better relationships, connect with God and much more! Anyone who wants to trade in the frustration of average living and less-than health for the hallmarks of the new life God promises will find The New You an effective personal guide for the journey.

Your partner in ministry,

Nelson

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About Nelson Searcy

Nelson Searcy is an experienced church planter, coach and church growth strategist, working with churches in over 45 denominations. Nelson is also the Founding and Lead Pastor of The Journey Church, with locations across New York City and in San Francisco and Boca Raton, FL. He first developed the Assimilation System 10 years ago at the Journey Church and has since implemented and improved these strategies with over 3,000 churches across all sizes and denominations. He started coaching pastors in 2006 and has personally coached over 2100+ senior pastors, helping them break common growth barriers like 125, 250, 500, 1000 and beyond, all while maintaining personal life and ministry balance. As founder of Church Leader Insights and the Renegade Pastors Network, he has trained more than 50,000 church leaders (3,000+ church planters). He is the author of over 85 church growth resources and 17+ books, including Fusion: Turning First-Time Guests Into Fully-Engaged Members of Your Church and The Renegade Pastor: Abandoning Average in Your Life and Ministry. His continued mission is to help church leaders around the world cooperate with God in creating healthy, thriving churches. Nelson is married to Kelley and together they have one son, Alexander.

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